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Mar 9, 2007

SOCA--SOCAn it be more depressing?

Hear ye! Hear ye! It's the State of the Commonwealth Address from the current governor once again on March 30 at 9am. So are you prepared to hear more news about the State of the Commonwealth?

It's been a year and what a year it was, and what a year it is and what a year it will be next year!

So brothers and sisters, lend them [the officials] your ears! Hear them out! Heed their warning!

"How do I love thee, let me count the ways (to save more money)."

Just my personal bullets on what's going to happen, if matters are not carefully taken care of:

*Austerity Fridays every week
*Less fundings for the Education System
*More reduction in government workforce
*More Food Stamps recipients
*Inflation
*From copperwire theft to car breakins
*More cases of domestic violence due to mental breakdown of unemployed people
*Poker robberies left and right, day and night
*Rise of obesity due to unemployment, people will tend to sit in the dark, wallow, while eating leftover rice and expired SPAM
*Decrease of obesity due to unemployment, there's no more to eat, people will starve and schedule meals once a day between 3pm to 7pm, combining lunch and dinner
*Decrease in obesity, when gas price soars higher and higher, people would appreciate sea breeze and sunshine more because they would prefer to walk than use cars
*House rentals with four rooms for $300 or less. Landlords will compete for tenants, until they reach to $100 per month (hehe i wish)
*Households will sulk in the dark due to more expensive power or utility bills.
*On a positive note, sales of candles will rise
*More wrinkled shirts and pants because people will let ironing a thing in the past (well i hate ironing anyway)
*Beers in bars will sell in its actual selling price (my dont they charge too much!)
*Girly bars such as Chicago and Jama will offer nightly promos: table 1 (girl) get 1 free!
*Naked Stallion (strip bar for gaymen and spinsters) will resort to getting its owner to perform as well
*GIG Discotheque will transfer to former DPW office in Lower Base, due to proximity to Charlie Dock where visiting Marines dock from time to time. (Of course i'm kidding. GIG will always remain in Garapan housing 100 people out of 1,000 people capacity venue once a week)
*Libra Mae Sparks of Pacific Times will finally come out in the open trying to look for work in a girly bar
*Xterra and Tagaman will look for a better venue. Olivier Marceaux will race alone on the island for free, naked (hot hot hot) to attract spectators (no relations at all to this topic. I just want to see him naked!)
*Haoles will always enjoy Beach Volleyball and not RocBall but they will have to solicit for more sponsors to pay for their teams' registration fee
*DFS Galleria will still sell (thank God for remaining number of tourists)
*New nursing schools will be established, NMC's nursing department will reduce its faculty and staff due to low enrollment
*CNMI will remain green and blue, because people won't go out much often to picnic. Less trash on the island except in their own backyard
*More road kills, because cats and dogs are too famished that they won't be able to walk or run faster when crossing the road
*Pet owners will let their dogs remain unleashed so that the dogs could take a bite of bikers and strollers for free food (i know it's gross)

Oooooh i can go on forever! I don't mean to depress you more.

Hey, don't get me wrong, I'm still optimistic about this island. One thing is for sure despite all these--Saipan will remain a beautiful island, no matter what happens.

The Reveler

3 comments:

steve said...

Reality sucks, i miss the"pretty darn good" SOCAs of the past leadership.Suck an optimistic view infront of a tsunami.

The Reveler said...

Whoa! Did you just say s___? (hot hot hot) Should be "SOCAn optimistic view infront of a tsunami."

KAP said...

Just say that times are pretty darn better than a year ago. All of these problems were caused by former, er, Legislatures.

And the federal government, of course.

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